Something Bad - Part 3

Posted by BB | | Posted On 14 July, 2010 at Wednesday, July 14, 2010

I, Beloved Boyd, am a Gay Mormon Boy and everything I say here is the truth to the best of my knowledge:

The following posts will contain portions of my letter to Mohinder

I wanted to be clear that we were making the right decision and so I created this text to comprise the first page . It would give him a chance to back out should he wish:
I have taken a lot of thought in writing you this letter and after discussing this with Ethel, we have both agreed that it is better that you are aware of what is going on with me rather than being left in the dark. We are basing this decision based on Ethel’s experience with not knowing what was going on and fearing all sorts of things versus having a clearer understanding of what is going on. Disclosing this information is twofold in purpose; first it informs you, thus keeping out of the dark about what has been going on and second, it allows you to understand so you can have a clearer aim for you prayers concerning me. If you think that this is an error of judgment and that it might distract you from the work more by knowing what I am about to tell you rather than not knowing then please do not read, for your work is far more important than me. Ethel wanted me to tell you this concerning everything “I knew that even if it is difficult for you to accept, that you would not allow it to interfere with the work. Thus, the possible benefits seemed to outweigh the possible negatives.”
I then gave Mohinder som background information into the “Real Boyd” but as I look back on this I can’t help but think of how much I have changed from the person I thought I was at BYU. Take a look:
In your letter to me Mohinder, you mentioned that you “have always admired me and wanted to be like me in many ways: A natural friend, talented, outgoing in all ways, and a desire to love and serve.” Mohinder, I truly appreciate the fact that you admired me but I feel as if I should tell you the truth. What you saw my freshman year at BYU was mostly a fa├žade, a mask I wore in an attempt to hide and change who I really am.
And then the other shoe drops:
Mohinder, I am gay.
It was such a simple statement of fact, but it was a step that I needed to take. I remember that as I typed those words my body shook with a tremor more than what I felt when I first came out to Hayden. I wept onto my keyboard and let the words sit there, staring me in the face. I couldn’t escape it. Mohinder, I am gay stared at me for days before I could bring myself to type out the rest of the letter.

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