Something Bad - Part 2

Posted by BB | | Posted On 13 July, 2010 at Tuesday, July 13, 2010

I, Beloved Boyd, am a Gay Mormon Boy and everything I say here is the truth to the best of my knowledge:

I handed that letter to Mohinder as we were leaving the MTC “break-up” room. He hadn’t read it, but in lieu of his parents, he gave me the biggest hug I could have ever desired. Mohinder’s gentleness and kindness pored out of him. A few weeks later I got a wonderful response that told me that he loved me and that Christ’s atonement was prefect and infinite. That was something I needed to hear many times over as I began my journey of coming out.

This was the beginning of a series of lettersemails between the two of us through his one family member who wanted to write to him and thus had access to his emails. As I began to come out in Seattle my letters to him were laced with the frustration and anger that I had towards this life and my own existence. It was his letter that gave me hope on many dark nights.

After I got back from Seattle I wrote him a birthday email where I told him that I would be meeting with Elder Christensen soon to talk about some of my frustrations. A few days later Mohinder replied to me just as I was struggling to understand the dilemma that Elder Christiansen’s words had put me in.

He responded with:
Keep working hard Boyd. Don’t give up because it is hard. Repentance is supposed to be hard, but always possible. We came here to this life to repent, to change our hearts into the sons of God we are meant to become
My response to him let the floodgates flow and I told him of the extreme doubt and disbelief that Elder Christensen’s words had inspired in me. I wrote back to him:
If I follow his advice then I become unanchored and I can't know or believe anything that I have been taught, but if I don't follow his advice it leads me away from the Church. So I wish it were as easy as repentance.
I didn’t hear from him the following week and so I send him another email to let him know how I was faring in life. I informed him that I had become resolutely anchored to Christ regardless of the words of men. I told him that I was feeling the spirit and a feeling of peace as I listened and followed the Spirit, even when it clashes with the Church’s stance.

It was from here that I realized I needed to tell him everything. Now before I took a giant leap and told him everything I needed to talk to Ethel, his girlfriend.

Ethel and I had had a good relationship while I was at BYU and after I left whenever we would meet we would have a phenomenal time together. To be completely honest, if I were ever to marry a girl, she would have to be very similar to Ethel.

So once I realized that I needed to talk to Mohinder I talked with Ethel. Before I came out, she knew something was going on with me. For her, the not-knowing was the hardest part.

Mohinder also knew that something was up but he was stuck in the phase of “not-knowing” what really was going on. So after many talks with Ethel we decided that, only because he knew enough to worry but not enough to sedate that worry, we would tell him.

I decided that Mohinder would have a good support system with his companions, ZL’s and Mission President and that regardless of wether he was on his mission or utah, the situation wasn’t going anywhere while that feeling of not-knowing could only grow.

And so I decided to come out to Mohinder, My only true friend when I was at BYU and the first solid friend I had made since the 10th grade. It took me a while to say preisely what I wanted to say and to word it just right, but I did it.


There are 2 Words of Warning for Something Bad - Part 2