For Good - Part 3

Posted by BB | Labels: , , | Posted On 31 March, 2010 at Wednesday, March 31, 2010

I, Beloved Boyd, am a Gay Mormon Boy and everything I say here is the truth to the best of my knowledge:

So after about 3 weeks into our relationship Joseph and I had talked about all sorts of things. We had planned a trip down to Vegas; we had spent the night in the same house (but did not “sleep” together); we went to the candle-light vigil for Governor Huntsman; we had even been through ups and downs and everything in-between. What we hadn’t faced was the best holiday in the world… for straight people.

Yep, Valentine ’s Day was coming up and for a new gay couple the romantic holiday meant for men to satisfy their woman was a daunting and scary idea. But at heart I am a romantic. A few days before I made sure my big plans were all in place.

We would start off with dinner at The Cheesecake Factory. I had a friend there and so I was able to score a Valentine’s Day reservation. We showed up, waited maybe 5 minutes and then had a nice pleasant romantic meal. We had a quite booth in a corner that gave us some privacy. We talked about all sorts of things including our upcoming trip to see RENT! (one of Joseph’s favorite musicals) All in all it was a great dinner.

Next on the evening’s agenda was a romantic ”chick flick”. Joseph had expressed an interest in the previews for “Confession’s of a Shopaholic” and so we drove to the theatre and sat down near the front of the theatre. We had a few seats to ourselves and were able to use them to cuddle through the entire movie. It was sweet and romantic, not in the sweeping gesture fashion, but more romantic like the old couple who has been together for years.

After the movie we talked and things were wonderful… or so I thought. In reality, everything had changed. Valentines was one of our last night’s together and, for me, it was an attempt to piece things together. You see a few days before I became completely existentialist. I began to doubt everything. I doubted that God existed; that I cared for Joseph; that I had a testimony; that I had had a spiritual revelation.

A couple of days before Valentine’s Day I talked to Ethel and told her that we were probably going to break up. I was getting manic-depressive & quite bi-polar and it was visibly hurting Joseph. I had some sense slapped into me by Scott, but overall it only gave me enough life to carry on the relationship for a bit longer before I knew I needed to end it for Joseph’s sake. Just like Edward had to leave Bella for her own good, I felt the need to end things with Joseph. And yet I wanted to keep the feelings of love intact too.

I was confused and hadn’t made up my mind, but that was when I got a letter that put my life into perspective.


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