A New Year for a renewed life - Part 7

Posted by BB | Labels: , | Posted On 22 February, 2010 at Monday, February 22, 2010

I, Beloved Boyd, am a Gay Mormon Boy and everything I say here is the truth to the best of my knowledge:

And you thought the series was over! You were wrong.

As has been discussed, Brother Black’s comments left me with a lot to contend with. I had confirmation from a BYU religion teacher that the text of Leviticus was in question from multiple angles. And, as was pointed out in the comments of Part 6, that no revelation regarding homosexuality had been received save that section of Leviticus. I had confirmation that I was dealing with church policy and not necessarily gospel doctrine.

However, I received this confirmation from a man. My goal in the temple was to know God’s will. It was to discover what the Lord had in store for us gay mormon boys. What was to be our destiny? I wondered if we were meant to seek for wives, husbands, or the monastery.

Do not get me wrong, it was a fantastic response I received from a BYU scholar like Brother Black, however, this it still wasn’t what I needed. I needed something that could answer my question. “WHY!” Why was I made like this? For what reason came I into this world? What is your purpose for gay mormon boys, Lord?

I had gained more knowledge and insight into the Levitical interpretations, and even more beyond that. I should have been content with what I had received, but I was left still not knowing, and not having directly received anything from the Lord. Yes, Brother Black’s name was an undeniable revelation from the spirit, but I still felt like there was more I needed to discover on this journey.

So, like any typical Mormon boy faced with a problem, I locked myself in my room and inhaled more scripture. I went to Deseret Book and studied the full Joseph Smith History on the floor in the corner – This is what led me to my resolution in case you were keeping score; I read through a couple of books by Dean Byrd et al.

I was falling back into a trap and so on Saturday I left the bookstore, newly purchased JST, in hand and went home. I changed into my fairly soiled white shirt and tie, and went over to the Jordan River Temple. I was back again and by now the ladies knew who I was but they still didn’t trust me to know my own jumpsuit size. (Medium – Long in case you were wondering)

As I entered the waters this time I thought and called out in my mind to each of the souls I helped. Ancestors hear my plea, help me find my destiny. I didn’t know if we had a concept of guardian angels, but I figured that those whom we help might in turn guide us when we need it the most.

I sat in the pews after getting dressed and continue to read every topical guide reference to homosexuality. Even the temple wasn’t helping to clear my mind and help my soul. Then the thought hit me. Tomorrow at church I will ask my Bishop for help discerning what the position on homosexuality is given the lack of revelation.

I had a plan and so I left the temple and anxiously awaited tomorrow’s meeting with my bishop.

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There are 3 Words of Warning for A New Year for a renewed life - Part 7