A New Year for a renewed life - Part 11

Posted by BB | Labels: , , , | Posted On 26 February, 2010 at Friday, February 26, 2010

I, Beloved Boyd, am a Gay Mormon Boy and everything I say here is the truth to the best of my knowledge:

My mind just exploded. Usually as I am being baptized I try to remember the names of those I am being baptized for. I try to say a little prayer to them, a prayer of encouragement. That morning I entered the font in a complete daze. I don’t remember even doing baptisms, or showering and getting dressed either.

My mind was in complete shock. How could I have received a revelation guiding me towards a husband? How could Heavenly Father give me that knowledge? What did it mean? Did I have the strength to take that step forward? I didn’t think I did. I exited the temple and walked over to Elder Christensen’s office in still in a pretty good shock.

I sat down with Elder Christensen and he asked me what was troubling me. Still flabbergasted from the revelation I had earlier received my original questions regarding new (church-wide) revelation concerning homosexuality went out the window. Instead my thoughts, in asking “WTF Heavenly Father,” had wondered what the hell do I do now? And so I asked Elder Christensen “What do you do when what the spirit tells you to do and what the Church tells you to do conflict?”

Definitely a loaded question that I hadn’t prepared for. His response was a bit shocking, but more on that later. After clearing up the difference between members, local leaders and the brethren he answered,
“That will never happen to you Boyd. It has happened before, but it is a headline event when it happens. The first hurdle that any member of the church has to clear is the story of Nephi slaying Laban. However Boyd, Nephi was a prophet and therefore he was special. I promise to you that that will never happen.”

“Well what does it mean when that does happen? I have felt it happen. The spirit of revelation I have felt is the same burning spirit I felt when I learned that God did exist, that Christ lives and that his atonement is eternal. When this prompting leads me on a course that, given present policy, would excommunicate me what do I do? In a fight between the Church and God who wins?”

”Well Boyd, where can spiritual promptings come from? They can come from one of three sources. 1st, The Lord 2nd, Satan and 3rd, Ourselves. Boyd, couldn’t it be that Satan is leading you on a path out of the church?”

“No. If he were, why would he, at a point of despair and desperation in my life, a time when I was about to become an atheist jaded by pain, would Satan demonstrate the Savior’s love to me? The feelings in my heart are the same and by definition of Satan he cannot be doing God’s work else he would cease to be Satan. I would believe it were my own desires if I hadn’t been so focused on what God wanted me to do.”

”Boyd, you must have been prompted to start this path out of the church by Satan. He has great power to mimic the spirit and he desires very much for you to leave the church. He wants you to be miserable like him. You need to stick with the Church, it will not lead you astray.”

This wasn’t the full transcript of our talk, but the message conveyed was the same. Tomorrow I will finish this series and conclude with my thoughts as I left the meeting with Elder Christensen.

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There are 5 Words of Warning for A New Year for a renewed life - Part 11