My Darkest Hour - An Average Thursday

Posted by BB | Labels: , | Posted On 04 January, 2010 at Monday, January 04, 2010

I, Beloved Boyd, am a Gay Mormon Boy and everything I say here is the truth to the best of my knowledge:

Paul Mua'dib as a hot guy for any Gay Mormon Boy, his life was filled with key decisions that shaped the course of history, his time nexus' as it were
I will start off 2010 and this fiirst, and quite ugly, Monday with the story of my darkest hour. It happened not two weeks after I came out to my mother. It was a focal point in my life much like the “time nexus” spoken of by Paul Atreides in Dune. It was the fulcrum of my life that could have sent me down a thousand different paths, and it all started with a typical day at work. Just your average Thursday.
I woke up, got out of bed, and dragged a comb across my head. Found my coat, grabbed my hat and made the bus in seconds flat.
A Day in the Life by the Beatles is one of my all time favorite beatles songs because it drifts from a tragic day to an ordinary day which seems to mirror my life as a gay mormon boy.
– it was just another day in the life of Boyd. Then on my way into work I read a story in the paper about the protests outside the temples after the fallout of Prop 8 and something inside me just snapped. I was doing well, but seeing photos of angry protesters outside the temples in Oakland again, it made me just snap.

Up to this point I had come out to Hayden, told my Dad, started seeing Darryl, found a testimony, and come out to my mom. It took about 2-3 months for all this to happen and I was doing pretty well. I had had only one bout of serious depression and had been, for the most part, on the rise emotionally ever since. But when I snapped, I felt waves of depression and anguish run over me.

On Facebook I set my status to something deeply depressing and a friend reached out to me. He and I spent the rest of that day at work talking back and forth. He seemed deeply worried about me as if he knew what might happen. His concern helped get me through the day, which seemed to rag on for countless hours.

A red sun had risen on my life and unlike for Legolas, blood had not been spilt on the journey of this gay mormon boy, but it was close.
He made sure I had his number in case anything happened. He told me that this world was worth living in that people cared about me. I sat and wondered why his messages to me focused on this fact so much. Why did he feel the needed to reassure me as if I was suicidal? I was down, I was depressed, but suicide was the furthest thing from my mind. I was more focused on not loosing half of who I was. I wanted to keep myself whole, not destroy who I was.

That was the beginning of my day, at the dawning of my darkest hour.

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