Coming Out: Friends & Family Edition – My Brother Cody

Posted by BB | Labels: , , | Posted On 11 January, 2010 at Monday, January 11, 2010

I, Beloved Boyd, am a Gay Mormon Boy and everything I say here is the truth to the best of my knowledge:

During the first meeting with my shrink at the psych ward he told me that now would be the perfect time for me to come out to the rest of my family. There wasn’t a better time than right then to impress upon my siblings that I was gay. So I began the journey of coming out further and I started with my oldest brother, Cody.

Now Cody is about 10 years older than me and he tried to serve as in my father’s role. On the color code he is a Red, ambitious and a leader. He was the person who gave me “the talk” and told me not to masturbate before I even knew what it was. He was about 18 at the time so I can only imagine what it felt like for him.

He had discovered my gay porn on my computer a couple of times and had been in charge of my computers’ parental controls over the years as well. He had suspected for some time that I might be gay but he didn’t say anything to me. His brother-in-law had come out several years prior to my suicide attempt and so he had already gone through the initial shock of having someone close come out.

As I lay on my bed under suicide watch with the phone in my hand I knew that he would be the first person to call. His wife could support him and it would be the easiest call to make and yet I trembled as I dialed placed the call. He answered my call right away and that is when I discovered that he had been whom my mom had turned to.

He already knew that I was in the hospital and in fact, he had been the one to track me down there and calm my mother’s worst fears. So I asked him if he knew why I had tried to kill myself. He didn’t and so I told him. I told him that his littlest brother was Gay; that I had been kicked out of BYU because of my actions; and that I had been trying to figure out what to do that it literally nearly killed me.

He sympathized with my pain and has, over time, come to realize that 1, I am still his brother; 2, I have my political and religious thoughts that are different from him; and 3, that there is a possibility that I might find a spouse that he disapproves of. The biggest thing that he has realized is that he is okay with all of that. Sure we disagree on what marriage is and should be, but we do it civilly. He is even to the point now that he cracks gay jokes and I am perfectly fine with that.

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