A Month of Firsts Part 5 - My First Family Member

Posted by BB | Labels: , , | Posted On 04 December, 2009 at Friday, December 04, 2009

I, Beloved Boyd, am a Gay Mormon Boy and everything I say here is the truth to the best of my knowledge:

As I said yesterday, I was visibly depressed. My siblings couldn’t tell at my sisters birthday dinner, but my dad knew what was going on. He could see that I was wearing a mask. To give you a little bit of background, my Dad and I were not on the best of terms and hadn’t ever since he and my Mom split up. He had always been distant and still to this day I despise his form of parenting and vow to not use it with my children. He has an extreme hands-off style of raising a family.

I imagine it went something like this in his head: “If there is a problem, the children know where to find me, if it is big enough I will step in.” I struggle to think of times when I consulted with him and had his attention when I wasn’t in trouble. Sure he would be there at campouts, but he was distant. Sure he coached my little league basketball team, but he didn’t spend time with me.

John McCain as a Zombie asking for Brains! pretty much how I felt that day, I was a Zombie.
He took this same approach when he recognized that I was miserable. I barely talked to anyone, I stared off into the distance, I spoke with little emotion and to all appearances it wouldn’t have been that strange for me to have started a zombie chant for “Braaaiiiins!” He knew what was up and only at the end of a long weekend together before he flew back home from Seattle did he begin to broach the subject of my disheartened state.

On the drive home in the rain he told me that he had noticed something strange about me; that I looked down. I sarcastically replied “Ya Think.” He then proceeded to let me know that it was okay that I didn’t serve a mission, that I was still the same in his eyes and that I could leave the church, become a murderer, grow a third arm and I would still be his son whom he loved. I replied saying “Even if I am Gay?” he reassured me of his love and from that point on we talked about everything that had happened in the past few years. I had told both parents different things and so now he was getting the full truth.
Leaping from tree to tree the mighty lumberjack sings as he cuts down trees, wears high heals, suspenders and a bra. Not who I was last year at all!
I told him why I wasn’t at BYU, why I wasn’t on my mission, my rough number of guys up to that point and assuaged his fears that I didn’t put on women’s clothing and hang around in bars, I didn’t wear high heals, suspenders or a bra. I told him that my personal moral code is and would be largely in line with the Church regardless of anything else. He was the first parent and first family member I came out to and things went well, I began to feel again.

The End


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