Moleskine Part 2 - My Options Laid Bare

Posted by BB | Labels: , , | Posted On 08 December, 2009 at Tuesday, December 08, 2009

The Schedule from Jay Gatz's youth before he became the Great Gatsby, It hold his daily regimen of working out, studying, sports and inventing as well as a daily New Years Resolution.
I, Beloved Boyd, am a Gay Mormon Boy and everything I say here is the truth to the best of my knowledge:

One thing you should know about me is this: At times, I can be quite methodical. Quite.

The following entry from my Moleskine illustrates this. I laid out each option that I had in-front of me, each option I could think of and then later weighed out the pros and cons. The Pros and Cons and more of my methodical thinking is to come, but for now the options I discovered.

Option 1:
Reject my homosexuality, Join the Church full force, get married and hope for the best.

Option 2:
Reject the Church and God. Accept my homosexuality. Complete my bucket list. Find a partner. Hope for the best

Option 3:
Come out, accept my homosexuality, But remain alone and celibate, keeping the Law of Chastity but being without an earthly companion in exchange for Exaltation, after a life of pain, remorse, regret and loneliness.

Option 4:
Come out and keep the principles of the Church, keep every commandment but change the gender of my companion, which will remove me from the church in the end and will leave me without exaltation.

Option 5:
Continue in Limbo while exploring options, leads to pain and depression. Suicide.

Option 6:
Learn about other possible options from others in my situation ie. (redacted list of names)

This was my list. The list upon which I started to view my entire life. Each choice I made I tied to the list in some way. Every time I lied I saw it as a part of each option in front of me. Each time I lied about my sexuality I felt as if it was something I might have to do for the rest of my life. Each time I lied about my full involvement with my new ward I wondered if I would soon be in a world without the church. And each day I delayed I felt more and more in Limbo, stuck on my journey.

Thankfully I got out and found my road to journey on as evidenced by this blog, but we will see how I got to where I am in tomorrows addition.


There are 3 Words of Warning for Moleskine Part 2 - My Options Laid Bare