Moleskine – The Begining

Posted by BB | Labels: , | Posted On 07 December, 2009 at Monday, December 07, 2009

I, Beloved Boyd, am a Gay Mormon Boy and everything I say here is the truth to the best of my knowledge:

This was my lifeline for a while, my Molskine notebook where my thoughts as a gay mormon boy were scrawled in near illegible text
After I came out to my Dad I bought my first Moleskine notebook. I wrote a lot in there from grocery lists, book ideas, essay ideas and my pure angst at being a gay mormon boy. Because my Handwriting is imperfect and I will be unable to read it in a few years, I am recreating some posts here for this week’s series. Oh yeah, I decided to make weekly series. A single story of my journey told in five parts across the week so that those who do read this as I write it can have some form of consistency.

I wrote down a defining set of characteristics to describe who I was on the front page of my moleskin. It was an attempt to methodically approach a decision between whether I should be Gay or whether I should be Mormon and the pros and cons of each path. But to get started I defined what I knew, believed, & was, what I wanted to know, wanted to believe & wanted to be. Here is that list:

What I Know:
• My intellect is my most powerful tool
• And my greatest weakness

What I Believe:
• There is no end to learning
• There is a Supreme Being, but who is HE? And WHY did he create us?

What I Am:
• Mormon
• Gay
• A Confidence Man – I manipulate people to get them to do what I want

What I Want to Know:
• Why, and to what extent does me being gay help my spirit in the next life?
• What lesson can be learned this way that no other way could teach me?
• If the Church is True
• Love. And to truly love someone else.

What I Want to Believe:
• In life after death
• In the honesty of other people and not find fault in them

What I Want to Be:
• Comfortable with myself, in being myself around others
• Able to share who I am and what I believe with others
• Use my manipulative confidences techniques to help others rather than harm them
• Happy

End of Part 1.


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