Coming Out to Mom Part 4 - Eating my Just Desserts

Posted by BB | Labels: , , , | Posted On 17 December, 2009 at Thursday, December 17, 2009

I, Beloved Boyd, am a Gay Mormon Boy and everything I say here is the truth to the best of my knowledge:

Sometimes we all need a little motivation in out lives, sometimes demotivation. H/T despair.comHumble pie is never easy to eat. And yet at some point in our lives we all have to swallow our pride and our words. When I told my mom that anyone who broke an honor code should shamefully turn themselves in, I never thought that it would be me. After the tennis match at the air force academy, I went on to finish high school and get accepted at BYU. I dutifully signed the honor code with about as much thought as when I signed a receipt. With that signature I promised to obey the law of chastity and stick to all rules established by the church and BYU.

I thought that it would be a simple fix. That being at BYU in a controlled environment I would forsake my sins and get better. Much like many parents today I thought BYU would straighten me out. That I would no longer look at gay porn and that I would go on my mission with all this behind me and help convert thousands. I even had dreams of becoming a general authority or mission president. Who knows, that may still happen (ha) but regardless my first year at BYU was not a wholesome experience.

I will go into that in it's own series, but long story short I broke the honor code. I took it and trampled it and tore it up. I did things that were illegal and still I attended classes and served in my ward. But finally I got to the point where my two lives couldn't continue. One had to die. So I set up a meeting with my bishop and told him everything. I opened myself up to him and sought his guidance. In return I was asked not to return to BYU the following semester.

The next stage after telling my bishop was to tell my mom. This was the second hardest thing in my life to do and her reaction to the half-truths I told her nearly killed me. I had to tell her that I wasn't allowed to go back to BYU. She broke down and went into the bathroom to cry and I was left trying to comfort her through a door. She was in agony. I had broken her heart. I was supposed to be her stalwart child and instead I had become the biggest disappointment. That was the worst point in my life. I spent months brooding over the pain I had caused her.

Luckily only one thing has been more difficult and that is the final piece to this post. Tomorrow I tell you how I came out to my mother.

Comments:

There are 4 Words of Warning for Coming Out to Mom Part 4 - Eating my Just Desserts