Coming Out to Mom Part 2 – Pandora’s Jar (or Box)

Posted by BB | Labels: , , | Posted On 15 December, 2009 at Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I, Beloved Boyd, am a Gay Mormon Boy and everything I say here is the truth to the best of my knowledge:

Pandora sitting on the rocks holding her Jar (or Box) looking as lonely as I felt when I was consumed by pornWhen I was 12, my parents were getting a divorce. It had been dragged on for a while and my mom was taking trips to Arizona to settle the paperwork pretty frequently. We always had a computer in the home, but during her absence I opened Pandora’s Jar. As I discussed in my prologue, this is when I began to look at porn.

For the first few hours it was straight porn but almost immediately I found my way to gay porn and was hooked. It went on for a couple months until one day I didn’t clear my history. That was when my mom found what I had been looking at and told me she was repulsed by it. I was 13 at the time and I started down a road that has been filled with all the evils that were found inside that jar. Though my mom saw what I was looking at, she still found the hope at the bottom of the jar and it allowed her to look beyond the fact that it was gay porn and she only saw the evils of pornography. In a way that was a blessing for me.

Flash forward to 2 years later. I am 15 and a I have had three similar run-ins with my mom catching my history of gay porn. Each time she overlooked the fact that it was gay and that allowed me a few years of ignorant bliss in which I could live my life unaware of my sexuality.

I had spent 4-5 years I and out of gay porn which must have devastated my mother. You see, she blamed pornography for the divorce and told me that I needed to overcome this frailty before I destroyed a family like my Dad had helped to do. That more than anything helped me to realize that I couldn’t really ever marry a woman. With my homosexual attractions I would be openly inviting a destruction of a Mixed-Orientation Marriage and would end up harming the lives of children just like my parents did with me. Now I don’t have anything against Mixed-orientations if you feel they are right for you and both parties have all the information laid on the table, they just definitely not for me and I have my mother to thank for helping me to realize that.

Sadly, the discussion about my weaknesses didn’t happen only when I was caught looking at porn. My mother was able to bring it up in the best of places, which is tomorrow’s tale.

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