Prologue - Setting the Stage

Posted by BB | Labels: , | Posted On 20 November, 2009 at Friday, November 20, 2009

I, Beloved Boyd, am a Gay Mormon Boy and everything I say here is the truth to the best of my knowledge:

As I said before I was never really good at writing in my journal. One of the reasons that I see now as to why, is that I didn't want my deepest secret to be known. Subconsciencely I knew that I was different at age 7 but I didn't ever have a label for it. We moved around a lot and so I always chalked up my differnces to the fact that I was the perpetual new kid. When I was a 6th grader my neighbor (a freshman at the time) was bullied because people thought he was gay. That is one of the first times I can remember hearing the word gay. I remember thinking that it was not nice to call this kid that name. After that incident I started to pay more attention to him and I didn't know why.

Google Search for 'Free Porn Men'Flash forward about two years and I discovered porn. I don't remember why I searched for it, but I think I typed "naked people" into my search engine. I realized I had to pay so I then typed in "free porn men" and found my own heroin. For about 5 months I never masturbated to it, I just watched: it wasn't until after my older brother Cody tried to give me "the talk" I'm place of my dad that I started to beat off to the porn.

Then one day my mom found the Internet search history and knew that I had been watching gay porn. She sent me to the bishop where I didn't tell him everything. That was the beginning of a long cycle of visits to multiple bishops (as we moved) where I always held something back. Eventually I told my bishop everything that I had done in the previous 5 years because I felt truly sorrowful for my actions and I wanted to change. I spent a year in personal rehab growing stronger in my resistance to temptation and pornography. I did a very good job at recovering, especially after spending so much time in sin.

Even at this time I had never let the true light of who I was shine thru. Each time I told my bishop that I looked at gay porn they told me that it was okay, they didn't seem phased by the fact that it was gay porn. They just lumped me in with the rest of the guys in the bishop's office and called it good. That gives you a little background to how and when I came out of the closet and my real journey began. so now we can get started.
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