Coming Out Part 5 - The Start of Something New

Posted by BB | Labels: , , | Posted On 25 November, 2009 at Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I, Beloved Boyd, am a Gay Mormon Boy and everything I say here is the truth to the best of my knowledge:

Where was I? Oh yes. Hayden was holding me, comforting me while I was shaking and convulsing and I leaned in for a kiss. He consented and we kissed briefly… and then deeper. I pulled him into a corner and started to make-out with him. He was the first guy that I had told and he had accepted me and it felt wonderful. I wanted to give myself over to him right then. We starred to mess around a little bit more that night outside. I was in heaven. This acceptance from someone for being gay was beautiful, Hayden was beautiful, and life seemed to change out of shades of gray and mediocrity and into vibrant colors and beauty. My life had a pulse again. I had purpose to live rather than a desire to merely survive. As I touched and held his hand my soul began to feel that this was right, that this is where I needed to be. That right here in this moment I was beginning to experience where I needed to be.

I had been thrown into the friend zone and like this photo, thought it was better than nothing.
After that night Hayden explained to me all about Neil. He explained how he felt that Neil was his soulmate and how he planned to get back with Neil once we got back home. I sat there in astonishment as the boy who I thought was my soulmate, told me that I wasn't what he wanted. I remember him telling me that "you're attractive, but not to me" and "you just aren't my type."
What I realize now but didn't then is that, due to a bad break-up, Hayden had relegated me to the friend zone. I remember thinking to myself. "I can change his view of me. If I can satisfy his physical needs perhaps he will take care of my emotional needs."
I even got to a point where I was helping him get back together with Neil just so he would see how wrong Neil was and how right I was. This was how my relationship with Hayden started, but the ending is not the one you would expect. Don't worry; you will hear it just not right now. Right now the story of me coming out to myself and someone else is over. Now is the time for a new journey to begin.


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