Coming Out Part 3 - Acceptance

Posted by BB | Labels: , , | Posted On 23 November, 2009 at Monday, November 23, 2009

I, Beloved Boyd, am a Gay Mormon Boy and everything I say here is the truth to the best of my knowledge:
Text from Last Night describing that Hayden would be surprised at my type of club
"You'd be surprised at my type of club."

Those words stood frozen on my phone in a message to Hayden that night. For 45 minutes my thumb hovered over the send key. I finally sent the message and cowered in fear and exhilaration at the domino I had just tipped. My breath was uneasy. My pulse erratic. My breath bated. I was nervous as I waited for his response of "oh really? What do you mean?"
I responded with “I think it is my type of club”
I would like to say I remember the rest of our texting conversation, but that wouldn't be true. We texted for about 30 minutes and then danced around multiple topics. We finally decided to set a time to talk a couple of days later, and after we had set a time to talk, Hayden asked me, "just to make sure we are on the same page, what type of clubs do you like?"
I tried to circumvent the question but Hayden wouldn't have any of it, finally I asked, "you're going to make me say it aren't you?"
His reply, "yep!"
After a couple minutes hesitation, I responded, "Hayden, I am gay."
That was the first time that I ever wrote down who I was and what I felt.

Latter Days First Gay Kiss, Hayden felt like the be all end all for me that night because he accepted me
A couple of nights later we went outside, sat down and talked for about 3 hours. We told each other our stories and as I vocalized mine for the first time, I was shaking. Literally I was convulsing and my body was shuddering as if the burden of my secret had been a weight that I needed to share. I needed a friend to talk to or else I would have collapsed. After I told Hayden everything I must have looked like the crappiest 13 yr old on his first date. I was looking around and staring at Hayden's confidence, his eyes and his utter acceptance of who I was and yet I was still shuddering. At one point my convulsions were so much that we held me and that connection stilled my heart. I, who prided myself on staying sharp and aware, had melted into soup. I turned my head and leaned in to kiss him. And from that point on, my life wasn't ever the same again. That night I had been changed. Hayden had entered the picture and he flipped my life upside-down.

End of part 3


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